At nine twelve a.m., in Conference Room B of the Bexley Municipal Annex, Dennis Larch, fifty-two, died during the push-up module of the Cretaceous Physical Fitness Test, a wellness assessment required for employees applying to transfer into the Parks Department benefits tier.

The form described the test as inclusive. This was the first warning.

Mr. Larch had been a municipal records clerk for twenty-three years, eight months, and six working days. He was not fast and not modern. He was necessary. He knew which basement cabinets swelled in August, which council minutes had been misfiled during the copier replacement of two thousand nine, and which zoning maps were technically superseded but still more accurate than the digital version no one trusted.

He did not want to leave Records because he disliked Records. He wanted dental. The Parks Department benefits tier covered crowns after a waiting period and paid slightly more. Human Resources sent sixteen pages, three required signatures, and a section titled Functional Fitness Benchmarks for Field-Adjacent Roles. Records was adjacent to the vending machine.

For two weeks Mr. Larch practiced push-ups at home after moving the coffee table, two dining chairs, and a ceramic heron umbrella stand. He carried a sticky note reading Ask HR about alternate assessment. On the sixth day he asked Kayla in Human Resources whether an alternate measurement existed. The form did not have that field.

The morning of the test he wore a Parks Department T-shirt that said BEXLEY PARKS: ROOM TO MOVE across the front. Witnesses disagreed about whether he completed one push-up. The form would have said no. At nine twelve he collapsed on the mat. The official cause was cardiac arrest. The contributing causes were not listed.

Dennis Larch is survived by his sister, Elaine; by his nephew Milo, who said Dennis was the old kind of strong; by the Records Department; by Kayla in Human Resources, who has since submitted a revision request to the wellness vendor; and by three cabinets of municipal maps no one else fully understands. In his desk drawer Elaine found the sticky note crossed out. Below it he had written: Try anyway.